Moments In Time
by Kellybccgtsfan
Summary: This will be a continuing story with bits of what I want to see happen in Series 5 but also moments from previous series I might want to see explored, maybe even some AU moments that I wish I had happened. I accept prompts as well, so if there is something you would like to see, please let me know.
1. Chapter 1

This is what I would like to see in the first episode of Series 5. I will put a trigger warning here because I do mention Anna's assault

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Part One

John looked up from his book as Anna finished up her nightly rituals before climbing into bed. She was seated at the vanity braiding her long blonde hair. As he watched her nimble hands work the pale tresses and he got lost in his thoughts as her hands worked quickly to gather all the strands together. It had been over a year and half since Anna's attack and while things would never be exactly as they were, their lives had resumed a normal path again. That's not to say that things were still not difficult at times. Anna would still have a nightmare occasionally. John would wake up to the bed shaking and quickly turn to see Anna struggling against hands he couldn't see. He knew better than to just shake her awake; he had done that the first time he had seen Anna experience a nightmare and Anna had lashed out catching him on the cheek. Once she had awoken she had been wracked with guilt but John assured her all was well and from then on, he would softly whisper her name and touch her gently until her eyes would open. It would always take a few moments for Anna to be aware and the terror John saw in her eyes always made his heart break a little. But then Anna would reach for him and John would take her in his arms, whispering words of safety and love until her breathing would even out and she would be asleep once again. And the nightmares were happening less and less as time went on, and the shadows that used to often be seen on Anna's face were happening with less frequency as well. John still saw them from time to time. Sometimes a loud noise would come from the Downton kitchen and Anna would jump and fear would darken her lovely face or she wouldn't hear John approaching and his voice would make her jump. Anna was always contrite after those moments and quick with an apology, but John wouldn't hear of it. He would always grab her hand or place a kiss on her brow and assure her that she had nothing to be sorry about.

John's guilt was not so quick to be appeased. When Mrs. Hughes had first told him about what happened to his beloved wife, his immediate thoughts had of course been to find his wife and comfort her, to tell her that everything would be okay and that they would be okay. He would never blame her for what happened; he would never see her as less than the kind-hearted, loving and beautiful woman who had captured his heart the moment she had taken his hand over a decade ago. He remembered finding her in that infernal boot room and taking her hand in his before telling her the truth. That he knew what happened. She had been upset thinking that the worst had happened and their marriage would be over, he remembered the relief on her face when he told her he loved her more than ever. It was when he took her in his arms and the sobs wracked her small frame that the anger begin to seep into John's bones, the anger at the man who had hurt his wife. John knew it was Green, even with the denials from Anna and Mrs. Hughes, he knew it was the valet. He began to imagine the ways he could hurt the man, he had learned things in prison, things that would be invaluable in exacting his revenge on Green. Green was a cocky bastard, and it was easy to get him to talk about where he lived and his schedule. A few casual questions here and there and John had a timeline into the daily life of Green and the idea began to really germinate in his mind when Anna mentioned going to London for a few days with Lady Mary. A quick mention of going to York to Mr. Carson and John's plans were set in motion. Of course what happened that day had never been mentioned to Anna and John had to admit that the shame he felt about that day had eaten at his soul. He didn't like that the secret was still between them, but fear had kept him from telling her the truth. But John knew he had to come clean to Anna, tell her all of it, especially now, he didn't want the secret to be between them anymore.

He remembered the day that Lord Gillingham had brought the news of his valet's demise, and Anna's face and her questions about risking everything. He knew she doubted him and he hated that he had put that doubt there. He hadn't told her what happened in the beginning because he didn't want her to be upset by what he had done. However, as the months had passed, John's guilt had grown and now with Anna's recent news he knew he needed to come clean and tell her the truth. He was brought out of his thoughts by his wife settling into the bed, pulling the covers over her. John put the marker in his book, closing it and putting it on to his nightstand before turning back to his wife, opening his arms. Anna quickly slid into them sighing with contentment.

John stroked a hand up and down her arm before running it over the bump that was just starting to show. Anna had told John the news only last week, after he had insisted she talk to Dr. Clarkson after weeks of being sick and tired. John hadn't been able to hide his surprise or his elation. They had never stopped trying to conceive a baby but after a while they had come to terms with the fact that it might not happen and were content with their lives. John admitted he was nervous about being a father in his fifties, but he was excited as well. Anna was glowing of course and had already knitted two sets of booties, blue and pink to cover all the bases. It had been Anna's news last week that had made John realize he needed to come clean with Anna. He didn't want this next chapter of their lives together to be shadowed by his secret. He placed a kiss on her brow, before speaking.

"Anna? I need to tell you something."

Anna looked up and him and frowned at the look of nervousness on his face. She quickly sat up and turned her body towards him, reaching for his hand. "John? What is it?"

John took a deep breath. "It's about the day Green died." John saw the light in her eyes dim and cursed at himself for taking it away, but he knew he had to press on, that he had to tell her the truth once and for all. "As you know, I did go to York that day, but I left very early in the morning and when I got there I bought another ticket, a ticket to London."

John heard her slight gasp and felt her hand tighten in his. He glanced at her before looking down and continued with his story. "I had to wait twenty minutes for the train to arrive so I sat at a bench and thought about the ways I could do it. How I could kill Green-"

Anna cut him off, "John stop, I don't need to hear this. I know-"

"Anna let me finish, please?" He saw her nod from the corner of his eye, and continued, "So I sat there on that bench in York and thought about how to do it, and I was confident I could do it and not be caught, but you know me and you know I sometimes think too much and a little voice inside of me said that I might not get away with it. I tried to push that voice away but it lingered and I began to wonder what would happen if I did get caught. I saw your face the day that I was convicted of murdering Vera, and I heard your scream of horror when the verdict was read. I remembered your face tear-stained and grey that day in the prison when we thought we were saying good-bye. And then I saw your face the day I was released, how happy and relieved you were to have me back." John glanced at Anna then, and noticed the tear escaping her eye. He reached out and removed it with a gentle swipe of his thumb, and then stroked his hand down her face. He took a deep breath.

"I couldn't do it."

Anna let out a sob and threw herself into his arms. John wrapped his arms around her and held her close, tears filling his eyes. He pressed a kiss into her hair before continuing.

"As much as I wanted that man dead Anna, and as much as I wanted to be the one to do it, I couldn't do it. I couldn't hurt you in that way, not again. And I couldn't risk our future. The one you had built for us when you found proof of my innocence and freed me from prison. So I put the ticket in my pocket and spent the day walking in York and I came home that evening, feeling ashamed for even thinking about risking what we had. When you told me Green had been killed, I admit I was happy, but I was also shocked." He looked down at Anna, "I know you wondered if it had been me."

Anna spoke up, "I'm sorry."

John smiled into her hair. "You don't have to be sorry, you had reason to wonder. Hell, I had almost gone there that day to do the exact thing you were worried about. I could hardly be mad at you for thinking that of me. I am only sorry that I let you think it for so long. But I was a coward you see, I was afraid it would change things between us. That you would think of me differently for thinking about it." She heard him hesitate and heard the doubt in his voice, "I was afraid that part of you would be scared of me.."

Anna pulled back from John and and looked deep into his eyes, "You silly beggar, I would never be scared of you. I love you." She smiled as a thought came to her. "Is this why you were so grumpy with me for giving your coat to Mrs. Hughes for the refugees?"

John chuckled, "I wasn't grumpy." He glanced down as Anna giggled, a sound he would never get tired of hearing, "Okay maybe I was a little grumpy. I had forgotten to take the ticket out of my pocket. It was one of the last day I wore that coat, it had gotten too warm for it after that. When you told me that you had given the coat to Mrs. Hughes, I panicked, and was afraid one of you would find the ticket and assume the worst. But when neither of you said anything I assumed the ticket had gone unnoticed. I suppose I should have told you're the truth then, but things were better with us, our lives seemed to be back to normal, yes a new normal, but still normal nonetheless. There was a part of me that knew I should tell you, but I was afraid of ruining what we had rebuilt, so I continued to keep silent. Then you came to me last week and told me the wonderful news." John stopped and shared a smile with Anna. "You told me about the baby and I realized I couldn't keep it from you any longer. I couldn't let this secret follow us any longer."

Anna looked up at John. "I'm glad you told me, and I am glad it isn't between us anymore. I need to share something as well." She saw the confusion in John's eyes and quickly continued, "I was relieved when Lady Mary told me he had been killed. I feel shame for that, but he was a horrible man, and I was scared every time he came back to Downton. I was relieved that I wouldn't feel that fear any longer, I was relieved he couldn't hurt me again. I admit that I did think you had done it, I was afraid you had taken justice into your own hands, but then I realized you wouldn't risk what we had, I had faith in you. And I was right."

John spoke up, "But I thought about it Anna. I thought about risking it all in my anger and guilt for not protecting you."

"Yes, you thought about it, but you're only human John and thinking about it doesn't make you a horrible person. You thought about it but you didn't do it. So you see my faith in you was well-placed."

Tears flowed from John's eyes at Anna's words. "Anna I don't know if I will understand where your faith in me comes from."

Anna reached up and placed a gentle kiss on his lips. "It's easy John. It's called love."

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I hope you all liked this, and I truly hope we find out the truth of what happened in Series 5. As always reviews are always appreciated!


	2. Chapter 2

Just a bit of fluff that takes place after Series 2, Episode 6

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Anna delivered the shocking news about Vera to the rest of the staff at the table and then rose and hurried after John. She found him in their spot of course, the courtyard. He was sitting on a few crates, his head down and his shoulders slumped. Anna walked over and sat on the crates next him placing her hand on his back and rubbing it up and down.

"John it is okay to feel sadness, she may have been a vile woman but she was your wife, and I am sure you had some good times together as well."

John looked over at Anna and shook his head. "It isn't sadness I feel, but relief. And that makes me feel ashamed, for as you said she was a vile woman and she caused me nothing but grief for many years, but a long time ago she was different. I won't lie and say I haven't wished for this very thing, but now that it has happened..." He broke off and looked down again. "Vera's life wasn't easy and it changed her as it changed me. We went in different directions of course, but still she was my wife and I am ashamed that I feel relief at her passing."

"You are a good man, John Bates and Vera put you through hell for many years and I can't find fault with you for being relieved that she can no longer do that."

John sighed. "Maybe you are right. I know I will have to go to London and take care of arrangements and find out the details of her death. I am sure the police know I was there the night she died, and they will have questions for me."

Anna looked at him, fear in her eyes. "Do you think they will suspect you?"

"I don't know, I have my train ticket which shows when I departed London. I don't know if anyone saw me leave the house or saw Vera afterwards. All I know is she was alive when I left and that is what I will tell the police."

"When will you leave?"

"I shall speak with his Lordship tonight and hopefully set out first thing in the morning and be back to Downton by the end of the week."

John placed his arm around Anna and pulled her closer, hugging her to his side. They both looked out into the darkness wondering what tomorrow would bring.

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Anna recognized the tell-tale click of John's cane in the hallway and she had to stop herself from leaping up when he appeared in the entrance way to the Servant's Hall. John smiled as he set his eyes upon her and he was relieved to see the Servant's Hall was empty. He made his way to the chair next to hers and sat down in relief. It had been a long walk in the cold air from the train station and he was happy to be off his feet for a few minutes. He reached for Anna's hand under the table, squeezing it gently.

"I missed you."

Anna smiled at him, "I missed you too. Did everything go well?"

John nodded, "As well as could be expected under the circumstances. Will you be able to get away later? I would like to talk to you, but this is not the right time or place."

Anna nodded, "I have to see to Lady Mary in a few minutes but then I should be free until dinner, so I can meet you in the courtyard in about an hour?

John nodded and was preempted from saying anything else when several housemaids entered the hall.

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Anna found John an hour later, his familiar form standing up and looking out across the courtyard, he turned as he heard her heels and opened his arms to her which Anna willing went into. He held her close for a few moments before placing a kiss on her soft hair. He led her to the crates and holding her hand he told her what had transpired in London.

"Vera was laid to rest yesterday morning after a brief service with just me and the minister and an old friend of hers, Audrey Bartlett.

"And the police?"

"I spoke with them the day I arrived. I told them about our meeting and what it was about. They asked about the cut on my face, I told them the truth. That Vera and slapped me, and cut it open with her ring. That the slap had angered me and I had left before anything else was said or done."

"Do you think they believed you?"

John took a deep breath. "I think so, they believe she committed suicide. There were no outward signs of violence on Vera's body to suspect foul play. And apparently she had been sitting at the table when it happened. She did not leave a note, so they don't have any concrete proof, but right now that is their working theory."

"What does this all mean for us?"

John raised her hand and turning it placed a gentle kiss on the inside of her wrist. "It means I am not a suspect in her death. What it also means my love, is that I am free to court you properly now."

Anna felt the heat on her face as John's lips grazed her wrist once more. She smiled up at him, all the happiness in the world written on her face. "And how do you plan to properly court me, Mr. Bates?"

"The first thing I plan to do is kiss you." With that he lowered his head to capture her mouth with his. The kiss started softly and chaste at first, but Anna opened her mouth slightly and her tongue gently ran across his bottom lip in invitation and John groaned in pleasure and deepened the kiss. Only the need for air separated them and both were breathing heavily and flushed. Anna giggled.

"So that is what proper courting means?"

John smiled, his eyes crinkling in the corners. "You naughty girl, actually what I am hoping is that you will be willing to go on a date with me."

Anna smiled up at him. "Oh that sounds lovely."

John reached down to caress her cheek, "It just so happens that we both have our half days on Friday, so I thought maybe we could make the trip into Ripon, they have a very nice tea shop that would be perfect for lunch and if the weather is not too cold maybe we could even take a stroll through the park?"

Anna threw her arms around him, knocking him back a bit. John threw his arms around her and anchored them against the crates, a chuckle escaping his mouth at her enthusiasm.

Anna turned her head into his neck and sighed happily. "I think it sounds wonderful."

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It had turned out to be an unseasonably warm day for November and Anna and John were enjoying a pleasant stroll through the park in Ripon. Anna was finally able to do something she had wanted to do for years, place her hand in the crook of John's arm as he led them around a lake in the center of the park. And John was able to do something he had wanted to do for years, place his hand over hers. Of course John was aware that they were still garnering looks from people wondering what a young beautiful woman like Anna was doing with and old cripple like him. He could have cared less though what the strangers thought of him. All that mattered now was that Anna was his and he was free to let the world know it. He spotted a bench down by the lake and led Anna to it, letting her sit first being joining her. He turned to her as he sat.

"Did you enjoy our first proper date?"

Anna smiled up at him, "It was lovely. The tea room was beautiful and that cake was delicious."

John chuckled as he remembered the image of Anna devouring the chocolate cake, then looking up at him as she swallowed the last bite saying she had hoped he hadn't wanted any.

"When we are married, we will have to ask them to send an entire cake over for the reception. Then maybe I shall be able to have a taste of it!" The statement had come naturally to John; after all it was the natural progression to their relationship. With Vera's death he was no longer in need of a divorce and they would be able to be married at the local church.

Anna chuckled at John, "If you're lucky you silly beggar!" She looked at him happiness lighting up her blue eyes, "When can we be married?"

"I think the arrangements can be made in a few months if that is what you want?"

"I would marry you tomorrow if you would let me!"

John took her hand in his, stroking his thumb across her fingers. "I want you to have the wedding of your dreams Anna. You in a white dress, me looking like a fool."

Anna smiled as she imagined John in his wedding suit, his beautiful face lit up as she walked down the aisle. While she did wish it could happen tomorrow, she also loved the thought of her mum and sister being there and Mrs. Hughes and the rest of the staff and of course the Crawley family.

"Will you be speaking to his Lordship about a cottage again?"

John nodded, "I thought I would speak to him tomorrow about it again. I am sure he will be able to find something for us in a few months' time. Will you want to continue your position as head housemaid?"

"I would like too, I would be bored to death alone in the cottage while you worked all day. Of course once we start our family I will be more than busy enough to keep myself occupied."

John smiled at Anna's comment. He was a lucky man. "And how big do you see our family being Miss Smith?"

"Well Mr. Bates." Anna smiled at John's chuckle, "I want a little boy who looks just like you."

John interrupted, "And I want a little girl with your beautiful blue eyes and fair hair."

"Of course we must have one that has your green eyes and my blonde hair."

"Well then we must have one with my brown hair and your blue eyes."

Anna smiled and placed her head on his shoulder. "I think four sounds like a perfectly reasonable number."

John placed a kiss on her head and looked out across the lake. They had their whole future ahead of them. Finally they were exactly where they were meant to be.


End file.
